My missing Omans

[Corsebar]

Sorry to hear of your sad loss Alan. Commiserations to yourself and all of the family.

Ray

[Russell]

Thanks Alan especially at this distressing time. Thanks to your PM I now have more names to research in unfamiliar regions and systems.
Please thank Ellie for her efforts.

Russell

[Alan SHARP]

Greetings joette.

Thank you.

At the beginning of last week my stock reply to all well wishers was, that after being very closely involved with services for nine close family / friends, tragic accidental deaths, and chronic deaths, I WAS OK, and would / could cope so that was why I put my hand up to organize.

But in reality it does not matter how often you find yourself in that position, they all take their toll. You are only better prepared, because of your previous experiences, and are more aware of the legal formalities that are required, who to see, and where to go. A former Moderator of the NZ Presbyterian Church, led a simple service [as requested] and yet even he was moved by the sentiments expressed at the service. If we become to immune, we have no humanity. In this case a tumour did not help matters.

It's the People aspect that is the hardest. How to give them enough space to grieve, yet enough support, that they do not feel left out in the cold, and constructive ways in which to move forward, with a blanket of support that they know they can call upon, at any time.

The hardest, for me, was the ten concurrent years that both my Mother, and my wife, slowly declined due to medical reasons; the accidental deaths of the young and middle aged is also tough because they still had life before them; but for me it was the neighbour who I spent his last day at home with, and then rode in the ambulance to the hospital with. Motor neuron disease robed that 64 year old man, of the ability to speak, then care for himself, and finally take in food, yet his brain and eyes were fully functional, but he could not communicate. Even his simplest wishes, to us his care givers. It took two of us, over two hours to realize what he wanted was for us to go to his bedroom for any old tie, which we were then to use to support his head. That is sad.

Alan.

Edit - OOP'S Ray & Russell I had not turned the page until I checked that my reply post had stuck. Thanks all I know you to be kindred spirits. - Alan.

[joette]

Alan I agree with your sentiments completely.My closest bereavements have both been sudden & unexpected.The expected ones were no softer in the blow they dealt.It helps being able though to say things that you may wish to which is obviously denied in a sudden death.
Others pain is hard too in fact we often wish we could take it upon ourselves.It's just not an easy path to walk.
As I have watched the news the last couple of days & watched the naked grief of the families & townspeople of Newtown my heart has been heavy & humbled.
To have your grief paraded to the World must be a added hurt.