"Written under deep anguish of mind for the loss of as amiable and as loving a Wife as ever lay in man’s bosom – who died on the 10th September, 1858"
As on my sleepless pillow
I tossed till dawn of day
My restless spirit wandered
To regions far away.
I thought upon the past
On childhood’s early day, –
Who nor care, nor thought, nor toil
Save some new device of play.
I thought upon the past,
When the buoyancy of youth,
Aided by brilliant fancy,
Mocked the austerity of truth;
When mild dilates of experience
Taught the thorny path to shun,
Nor in pleasure’s luring ways
With headless steps to run.
The interests of the adviser
Not mine I then did scan;
So contentment dwelt not there;
And I longed to be a man.
I thought upon the past,
When passions wild and strong
Impelled their hapless victim
Youth’s breakers fierce among –
On conscience’ keen upbraidings
On every lapse to sin;
And oh! the dreadful picture
That swelled my soul within.
I thought upon the season
In which maturer years
Had brought with them experience
Which caused both hopes and fears –
On the folly of mankind,
Deceit and endless strife,
That estrangest man from man,
And embitters human life.
Although contentment dwelt not there,
I did boldy face the blast,
Sighing for time misspent,
Grieving for errors past.
I thought upon the future –
Hope spread her golden wing.
Nor could all my past experience
Repress her buoyant spring;
And each distant object smiled
As erst like the radiant morn,
Though of all these brilliant rays
Possession found them shorn.
But contentment dwelt not here;
Nor can earth, from pole to pole,
Renew that faded image,
Once shadowed on the soul!
I thought upon the time
When the one best gift of Heaven,
In man’s degraded state,
By God to me was given –
A creature all affection;
A mind beyond compare;
A smile for ever cheerful,
That lightened every care;
A heart o’erflowing with kindness
To every thing of life;
A brilliant lofty genius –
A model of a wife.
O God of all perfection!
To me may strength be given
To say; Thy will be done on earth
As it is in Heaven!
O bend, O break this stubborn heart!
So racked with grief and pain;
Lord, teach that what to me is loss
To her’s eternal gain!
O fill me heart with love divine!
To me that peace be given
Which stills the stormy sea of life,
And lifts the soul to Heaven.
On, on thou troubled spirit,
Fly past the gates of light
And leave this weary world
Far distant in thy flight!
Still I thought upon the future
Till I found myself to be
An atom, ever floating
On a boundless, endless sea!
A something inconceivable,
That could not cease to be –
A disembodied spirit;
Part of eternity!
Yet onward still I sped
Through realms of endless space,
Creation’s varied works,
With eager scan, to trace.
Enjoyment high was here;
But whence the dread control
Can check the boundless inquiries
Of man’s immortal soul?
And onward still I pressed,
Till I reached the Throne most high,
Where the seraph veils his face
From the bright effulgent ray.
Here love divine to man,
In ample, endless store!
Here her I sought I found
We’ll praise, and we’ll adore!
All that extra effort to uncover our ancestors' stories can so often be so worth it!
Chris
Retail price in 1867 2s 6d !