What's a 1st cousin to do?

Post by **emanday** » Sat Dec 30, 2006 12:28 am

Although my son and daughter don't quite share my fascination for my research as I do (i.e. they are both pretty sane

), they were quite adamant that, while my brother might be very interested in what I'd found so far, my sister would most definitely be horrified with some of the facts I now have. They reckon that she would not wish to know about the Poor Relief applications, illegitimate births, wife and children abandonment, etc...

P.S. The abandoning father just happens to be the guy who brought into the lineage the surname that she is so proud of carrying as a middle name

and his wife and kids were one of the Poor Relief applications mentioned. Add to that - one of the illegitimate births was the result of the abandoned wife's later union with the man she became housekeeper to, and did not marry till just before their daughter's marriage, to legitimise her in time for her wedding

I can see my kids' point about not giving their Auntie all the facts. Maybe just a nice respectable chart of her lineage without the more sensitive details for her. My brother can have the lot and he can make his own mind up about whether to tell her the rest. (OK, so I'm copping out - but he IS the eldest, so I'm passing the buck to him).

LesleyB · Post by **LesleyB** » Sat Dec 30, 2006 1:04 am

Hi Mary

Maybe just a nice respectable chart of her lineage without the more sensitive details for her.

Where is the fun in that?

Seriously, I know what you mean and that is probably the sensible option. Some folk just cannot handle what, to our eyes, are the more interesting details.... but they are perhaps idealising the past and maybe not giving their ancestors the benefit of being real flesh and blood, just like they are! I like to think that those of us whose delve about in the records & archives really do know exactly who we are, no illusions... all the weaknesses, all the foibles ...and the odd twists and turns of fate which brought us here, flawed as we are, but firmly grounded in reality!

Best wishes
Lesley

Post by **emanday** » Sat Dec 30, 2006 12:54 pm

I'm the same, Lesley. Everything that happened to my ancestors and the mistakes/bad judgements they made, disasters that befell them, etc... are the things that made me and mine what we are. I believe their "skeletons in the cupboard" are just as important as the strengths they displayed to survive.

Unfortunately, like my kids said, my sister wouldn't see it that way.

So, the pretty one for her and the "warts n all" for him

Miss Poohs · Post by **Miss Poohs** » Sat Dec 30, 2006 1:29 pm

I'm with you guys on the "warts and all" version.

I have uncovered one or two skeletons and that's what makes my lot interesting in my opinion.

Post by **emanday** » Sat Dec 30, 2006 1:58 pm

Let's face it! Who but us lot would actually run around

ing on finding out that our Grandmother's father abandoned them and ran away to sea

anner · Post by **anner** » Tue Jan 02, 2007 4:20 pm

Been away for xmas and have just seen this post. It makes me realise how lucky I am with finding first cousins that we never knew about and they didnt know about us. I am really lucky because after writing a letter to them explaining who we were in relation to them, have had numerous emails and just before xmas spoke on the phone with them. Made my year.
When I wrote I said that if they didnt want contact that we would honour their wishes. If no contact had been made this is what I would have done, and left it at that in the knowledge that they were there.
Like I say it just makes me realise how lucky I have been.
Anne.