GR contact - Nasty sting

[Lorna Allison]

Thanks all, for sensible comments and advice. I allowed myself time to absorb all of that, simmer down and then got in touch. Being straightforward about my feelings while remaining pleasant elicited a very acceptable apology, however he did add that his great interest was finding living relatives and this would remain his aim!

Well, I suppose we are "related" in a fashion but there must be millions of such tenuous relations out there!

Anyway, he assures me that nothing is down on his computer, he retains a hard copy of the info but would not think of publishing it on the net.

Hope he lives a good long time, so that no-one else gets his records and has a different outlook

Lorna

[Anne H]

Glad you got it sorted and let your feelings be known Lorna...who knows, he may end up being a good contact and help with some brick walls you might come across

Regards,
Anne H

[mallog]

I'm sure reading this, at times I must have fallen into the bumbling idiot category. Never having had much "family" to speak of I was very enthusiastic to contact anyone related but thankfully I have calmed down now. I must admit I'm not keen on putting my tree on GR.

I have given people lots of info then heard nothing from them but on the other hand I remember at least once receiving loads of stuff from a guy and I had very little to give him back. It was part of my other half's tree. I had explained to him I hadn't got very far with it but I like to think I was able to give him valuable links and details to a different part of the country.

I'm sure your feedback has been useful Lorna and he will tread carefully in future. Having heard your side I know I will.

[Kathykins]

Good for you Lorna! I'm glad it all turned out well - it sounds like this guy was just thoughtless rather than malicious. Maybe you should keep a copy of his email promising not to publish the details though, just in case?

I don't spend a great deal of time on GR now after getting stung on there. Some woman accused me of trying to "rip her family apart" when I contacted her about my great grandfather - my grandfather was illegitimate and clearly they're still embarrassed about it, despite the fact that my grandfather has been dead for sixty years!

Takes all sorts I suppose, but why do people have to be so mean?

[alysone]

Hi Everyone,
I had a really unpleasant experience on GR. In fact, it has put me right off completely. I contacted someone (male) who shared an ancestor with me. All was cordial and normal until I started to receive terse warnings (on GR) from his wife. "Stay away from my husband, OK?", kind of messages. I was really perturbed as we had exchanged emails by this point. Given that he was half my age (if his tree was real) & that I am quite happily & definitely not on the prowl, I concluded that she was unbalanced. Or that she thought GR was a dating site? I reported it & asked to have the contact blocked. I sometimes speculate what it was all about, or (if the contact was on the level) whether he wondered where I went! alysone

[Russell]

Hi Alysone
That must have been a horrible experience. There is an innocence about us users of internet contact opportunities like GR. Probably because we could be living next-door or 2000 miles apart. Because it is all conducted in a very impersonal, remote medium it feels very safe.
Your response was sensible since his wife's unbalanced responses were his problem, not yours, cutting off contact was the safest way to deal with it. If he has problems re his marital fidelity, real or imagined, it should stay behind his firmly closed front door.
The only thing worse than a paranoid wife is a paranoid genealogist

Hi Mallog

Glad to see you back on the board again. It has been too long

Russell

[alysone]

Hi Russell,
Yes, I was caught totally off guard when the usual GR contact took such a bizarre twist. I really was unsettled by it for a while. My good friend, pinkshoes, said I should write back, saying "Not to worry, I am way more interested in dead people than live ones!" It made me laugh but I wanted nothing more to do with either of them. I will say GR responded quickly. alysone