Post
by DavidWW » Wed Mar 14, 2007 4:19 pm
Following the clear validation of the "more experimental" genetic family tree tracing methods by the BBC, used in their "Genes Detectives" programme, such as physical similarities, including lung capacity, height, blood pressure, eye-sight, voice recognition, facial mapping and a "Deep Ancestry" DNA test, we are proud to announce the launch of our new family history research service.....
Gene Detective Family Tracing Ltd <sup>©®</sup>
Please send us the following information.
1. Photographs, both full face and profile
2. A tape of your voice.
3. Details of your physical quirks, e.g. ability to rub head and stomach in different directions simultaneously, touch the tip of your nose with your tongue, etc., etc.,
4. Lung capacity, height, blood pressure, eye sight.
5. "Deep ancestry" DNA test results.
6. Skin color, - see attached chart.
Based on this infomation Gene Detective Family Tracing Ltd <sup>©®</sup> researchers will travel around London Underground for two days, and guarantee to come up with a match for you, and therefore your probable ancestry.
There is no need at all to supply Gene Detective Family Tracing Ltd <sup>©®</sup> with any details that you already have on your parents, grandparents, etc., etc.
Guaranteed Results
NO more listening to boring old farts droning on how about how you need to read a book on family history. Books - outdated, who needs 'em?
NO more need to visit dreary old Record Offices or waste your precious time looking at boring bits of paper covered in squiggly writing that you can't understand anyway.
NO more need to listen to self-appointed, so-called experts who try to tell you they can help you just because they've been in genealogy since March 1897 and who will try and persuade you to join a family history society where you will meet hordes of equally boring people who also think they know it all.
NO need at all to do any actual conventional research.
We absolutely guarantee you a family tree you can be proud of, one that will show your descent from such famous historical figures as Mary Queen of Scots, Oliver Cromwell, Sir Francis Drake, William the Conqueror, Charlemagne, the Norse god Woden, Charles II's head coachman's illegitimate son, a 4th cousin twice removed of Henry VIII, Cyril the Incontinent of Babylon, Frederick the Flatulent of the Austro-Hungarian Empire, Baron Frankenstein, Joan Collins and the Man in the Off-Licence Round the Corner.
[The preceding 5 paras copyright and courtesy of Roy Stockdill!]
How do we do it?
We just take your details as above and travel round the London Underground looking for matches. This doesn't usually take longer than 48 hours.
If no match is found on the London Underground, similar techniques on the public transport systems of other cities in the UK, Europe, N America and Australasia are fully guaranteed to produce a result
The "London Underground" Service is available at the low, low cost of US$5,000.
The "Premium All Cities Worldwide Service" only costs US$15,000
Contact us today and find your ancestors via the BBC approved process of matching (a) Photographs, both full face and profile; (b) A tape of your voice; (c) Details of your physical quirks, e.g. ability to rub head and stomach in different directions simultaneously, touch the tip of your nose with your tongue, etc., etc., (d) Lung capacity, height, blood pressure, eye sight; (e) "Deep ancestry" DNA test results; and (f) skin color details; and we can guarantee to get your tree back to at least back to Nebuchadnezzar the Daft of Outer Mongolia in the 3rd century BC before you can say "IGI" !!!
We look forward to being of service in tracing your family tree via these BBC validated research techniques.
John W Ross
CEO Gene Detective Family Tracing Ltd <sup>©®</sup>
Last edited by DavidWW on Fri Mar 16, 2007 9:03 pm, edited 4 times in total.