Fed up

[Susie Q]

Hi All,
Don't mind me, I just feel like a rant ! I've been doing family research for a couple of years now. Taken a lot of time and cost plenty of money. I'm not complaining about that, I've enjoyed every minute. I've had a lot of help along the way from some very generous, unselfish people.

What really cheeses me off, are those sneaky types, ( YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, SHAME ON YOU ) who send e-mails, offering to trade info., and as soon as they have all my hard won files, are never heard from again.
AAAAAAArgh !
I hasten to add, that this has never happened with any TS members, who fall into the generous, helpful category.
Feel better for that, sorry to be a bore, folks.

Susie ( aka Cath )

[HeatherH]

Hi Susie,
I feel your pain.There are indeed some rather nasty ones out there but on the whole I would have to say they are few and far between.still I learned early (the hard way) to take all offers to share info with a grain of salt. It may be the chance to take a chip or 2 from a brickwall or it may be someone wanting the work handed to them on a silver platter.
Keep chipping away though , like you said this hard and sometimes expensive task is so worth it for both twigs on your tree and great friends you meet along the way.
Happy Hunting,
HeatherH

[joette]

At least you can say you did it your way & almost all your own work.
I will trade with anyone just about & if they don't want to reciprocate that's their loss & not mine.
I have lost e-mail addressess though especially when I "spring-clean"&if I go off on another direction can get lost in my research & forget to reply.
I now write everything into a wee black book as I deplore bad manners & I think that this behaviour is the height of the former.

[sheilajim]

Hi Susie

In the end I think that it is their loss not yours.

I wouldn't want the information on my relatives handed to me on a silver platter. To me, once I got past my grandparents, most of the fun was in the search itself. It is like a never to be resolved mystery. As soon as you solve one part of it, a new one opens up. k

I would think that common politeness, would make those people who you shared your info with, share theirs with you.

Regards

[Russell]

Hi Susie

I agree with the others that failing to return info is the height of rudeness, but having said that Joette has just reminded me that I lost a couple of e-mail addresses recently and I'm now feeling guilty.

I have been lucky and not had to ask very often for information but every time I have I have been given it in full measure

Like Sheila, the thrill for me is in the search itself and, having found out what I need, I would happily give the information to anyone without looking for anything back. That search is finished for me so if the spreadsheet I made up for that family name is of use to someone else they still have to search through it to find what they are looking for.
I never give complete files now. (except to relatives ) I prefer to give an outline with hints as to where they can find the confirmation they need. I think that gives them more of a sense of accomplishment which is the spirit Joette talked about.

Just the same its good to have a rant sometimes especially when you know you'll have a receptive, sympathetic audience

Russell
PS The latest spreadsheet is for Lapraik in Ayrshire if anyone wants it !

[nancy]

I got a real surprise last May,when i got a PM from a new member.She noticed i was looking for same family as her husband,and offered to send me any info i didnt have.
She's a lady after my own heart.Thats the kind of person i am.
It's great fun and a challenge doing the digging yourself,but if someone else turns something up first,you sure appreciate them sharing it with you.
TS sure have a whole lot of generous members,always willing to help.

Cheers Nancy

[mallog]

I think for everyone who is rude there is someone who is generous but I know it doesn't stop you being miffed.
I have had some very good information sent to me in the past. I do my husband's tree whenever mine is going through a quiet patch and I have got to know his lot as well as my own. Someone very kindly sent me a load of info on one of his branches but I've found that you never seem to get to know those ones as well as the others as you haven't discovered them yourself.

[AnnetteR]

Hi Cath

I fully understand your being 'miffed' as it happened to me a few times. The most annoying time was when all my information that had taken me years to gather ended up on a web site and a commercial one at that. I will not name names but the people responsible will know who they are and like the others I agree that, at the end of the day, it is their loss not mine. I have had help on many occasions on this forum and in particular from our own dear expert David Webster without whom I would have been totally lost at that time and also many others who will know who they are and, although I thanked them at the time, I will take this opportunity to thank them all again.

This is an all consuming hobby of mine and it was me who got the satisfaction out of it all because my predecessors became very personal to me as a result of researching them. As for my contacts who got it 'handed on a plate' all they got was a bunch of names. Without the effort, the joy of eventually finding someone you have been searching for for what seemed like forever and of course the sadness that you take personally when you come across those poor wee mites that didn't survive infancy or died as a result of a tragic accident but were your relatives, well that, as far as I am concerned, is family history and not just a bunch of names.

The sad thing is about all this however is that when I am contacted now I am reluctant to part with any information until I get to know the person a bit better thus I only hand over snippets now until I get some feedback.

It only takes one bad apple doesn't it?

Regards

Annette R

[Susie Q]

Hi Annette,
Your post touched me deeply. That is exactly how I feel about my "families " I know them all well, and can identify with their joys and sorrows.
At the moment, I'm on the trail of Flemings who ended up in Saskatchewan. My old pal, Ian Stevenson, in Canada is helping. The e-mails are flying to and fro daily. We have found more cousins, and that is a delight ! It far outweighs the disappointment I feel occasionally, when a " contact " lets me down.
Thanks to all TS members for your kind words and support.

Susie aka Cath